ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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