I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
