Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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