And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
