That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
