I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
