dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
they're like a gay fantastic four
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
