I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
