So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
