i don't like sucking hair
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Randomize
