I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
