I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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