DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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