You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
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