so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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