Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Randomize
