That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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