Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
