you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
