my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
40s are totally the cure
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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