Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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