The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
