I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
