been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Randomize