Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
