Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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