I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
