My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
