I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize