a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Randomize
