My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize