This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
