omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize