she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
