you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Are we still banned from the library?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
