kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
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