I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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