ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Randomize
