Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
