Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
