my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
