so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
