if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
