Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
