remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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