there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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