dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
P.S. I can't hear my feet
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Mom said you looked used
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
