well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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