oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
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