so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
