Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
