I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
You've changed since you got that strap on
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
