I must be too annoying 4 u.
Michael Bay diarrhea
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
