So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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