Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize