You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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