mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
