I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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