I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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