Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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