i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
i now understand why vodka
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
