Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Randomize
