i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
