i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Randomize