First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
