We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize
