those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
