I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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