you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
