just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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